Perfect Little Accident
by Beth1389
Summary: When Addison Perkins befriends the members of the BAU, Reid is stunned when she shows romantic interest in him. Can he overcome his addiction and fears of intimacy when someone special comes along? ... Cheesy plot summary. Rated T for now. Reid/OC pairing.
1. Chapter 1

l **Chapter One**

 **Author's Note: Hi folks! Just wanted to write a quick note letting you know roughly where this story takes place within the series. I imagine it to be somewhere in the early parts of season 3, not long after Jason leaves and Rossi joins the BAU. That being said, I'm not too hung up on the details so if I get something wrong, it's because I wanted to focus on the characters and the story rather than matching every detail perfectly to the show. But please R &R! I love seeing your comments.**

SSA Emily Prentiss awoke with a start. Her face flushed with a sudden almost unbearable warmth and the hammering of her heart was resounding in her ears, her throat, even the palms of her hands.

 _Another damned nightmare,_ she thought. _God, I hate it when other people are right._

She had begun her new job in the Behavioral Analysis Unit at the FBI almost a year ago. Everyone on the team warned her that she would have nightmares, at least at first. Each team member had their own ways of dealing with the traumas of the job. _I just haven't found my way yet,_ Emily convinced herself as she dragged herself out of bed. She rubbed her eyes and yawned as she reached for her cell phone on her nightstand.

4:37 AM.

No point in trying to go back to sleep. Between showering, packing lunch, getting coffee, and braving the commute, she would have to be awake in another hour anyways. Emily took a leisurely shower until roughly 5:15. The coffee shop down the block opened at 5:30. Given the rather unpleasant and frightening start to her morning, she elected to re-read one of her favorite books and treat herself to a pastry with her coffee.

It was almost July. Even as the sun was rising, Emily already felt uncomfortable in her black blazer as she walked down the street. As she approached the café, she saw a young woman wiping down tables with headphones in her ears. The woman must have noticed Emily in her periphery, since as Emily approached the door the woman immediately looked up with a friendly smile and walked over to unlock the front door and flip over the "CLOSED" sign.

"Hey there!" The friendly waitress greeted. "You look familiar, have you been in before?"

"Yeah, just not usually this early."

"Oh right, large mocha with skim milk and a half pump of vanilla. You're usually in here closer to 7:30, am I right?"

Emily let out a short, surprised breath. "Yep, uh, that's me. And you're kind of impressive. I'm usually stuck in a line of like 15 people."

The waitress chuckled as she prepared Emily's drink. "Well it's my job to know, I guess." She waved Emily towards a table, "I'll bring it over to you. You probably want to start that book." Emily smiled and sat down. She was eager to read, but she always felt guilty not making small talk with people while they provided her some sort of service. She always tried to chat with receptionists, hair stylists, and waitresses even though she would much prefer to be quietly reading. Luckily, the waitress broke the silence before Emily was forced to think of something to say.

"It's a good book. You read it before?"

Emily was halfway through her third reading of Stephen King's 11/22/63. "Yeah, I know it's silly but I just really like it. I've always been kind of a geek for American history."

"Oh me too, totally. For such a small period of time, there's so much detail to learn. I think that's why I like it. It hasn't been boiled down to just the broad strokes quite yet," the waitress continued as she easily crossed the restaurant with Emily's coffee in hand. "I took a course in college that was all about American history from 1945-1972. Took us a whole semester to cover less than three decades. Fascinating stuff." She paused and turned a slight shade of pink. "Shit. Sorry. I was rambling. I'll let you read now."

Emily laughed in the hopes it would make the waitress feel less embarrassed. "No, it's fine. How much do I owe you?"

"Oh it's on me. You seem like you maybe had a rough night."

 _Am I really being profiled by a waitress right now?_

"How could you tell?"

"Just a guess. Coming in here 2 hours early is a pretty significant change in your usual schedule. You brought a big book so you obviously need to kill some time before work so that part of your day is the same as always… right?"

 _Yes. I am being profiled by this waitress… and she's freaking me out a little bit._

"Heh… yeah, that about covers it." Emily started to read her book and the waitress put her headphones back in to continue cleaning. She sipped her coffee, occasionally pausing to watch the sun rise over the rooftops. At around 6:45, just before the café got too busy, the waitress gave Emily another coffee in a to-go cup.

"Thanks, but please let me pay for this one." Emily said, already reaching for her wallet in her purse.

The waitress laughed, "Oh I can't give away too many free coffees. My boss would kill me. And fire me. Maybe in that order."

The two women laughed. Emily felt strange, like the young woman could be an old friend.

"Hey, this might be a strange question but… I'm kind of new to the area and I don't really go out much. I'm planning on going out with some friends from work tonight and they want to see my neighborhood. Do you know any good bars nearby?"

The waitress smiled a warm smile. "Yeah, Maloney's. It's just two blocks down if you go out the door and turn right. They have a kick-ass 5 dollar food menu on Fridays too. I'm actually planning on going tonight so maybe I'll see you! Got any cute single friends?" The waitress asked with a nervous giggle.

Emily sighed, her mind immediately landing on Derek Morgan. The two seemed to both have fun-loving and flirtatious personalities. There was no doubt in Prentiss' mind that they would hit it off, even if only for one night. _No judgment,_ Emily thought to herself as she told the waitress that she would indeed be bringing a few.

"Well then I'll definitely be there with a few of my friends. What was your name?"

"Oh, Emily. Emily Prentiss. What's yours?"

The waitress printed out some blank receipt paper and wrote down her name and phone number. "Addison Perkins. I put my number on there in case you can't find it. Hope your day gets better, Emily."

Emily walked into the crowded streets, feeling strangely energized at the prospect of having a friend outside the BAU. She loved her team, but she wouldn't mind going out with a girlfriend and just talking about books and art and movies without rapists and unsubs and dead bodies somehow squeezing their way into the conversation. Her excitement carried her all the way to her desk in the bullpen of the BAU. definitely be there with a few of my friends. What was your name?"

"Oh, Emily. Emily Prentiss. What's yours?"

The waitress printed out some blank receipt paper and wrote down her name and phone number. "Addison Perkins. I put my number on there in case you can't find it. Hope your day gets better, Emily."

Emily walked into the crowded streets, feeling strangely energized at the prospect of having a friend outside the BAU. She loved her team, but she wouldn't mind going out with a girlfriend and just talking about books and art and movies without rapists and unsubs and dead bodies somehow squeezing their way into the conversation. Her excitement carried her all the way to her desk in the bullpen of the BAU.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

"Find somewhere for us to go tonight yet Prentiss? These last couple of cases have killed me and I need to relieve some stress if you know what I mean," said Morgan as he smoothly sidled up to her desk. Penelope Garcia, his best friend in the BAU and never far behind him, was also enthusiastic about the plans for the team that night.

"Actually yes," Prentiss answered. "I met a woman at the coffee shop on my way in this morning and she told me about a place."

"Whoa whoa, back up… you met a _woman_ this morning?" Morgan asked flirtatiously.

"I'm just full of surprises, Morgan," Emily said in a near-whisper. Morgan's eyes widened and he looked as though he was about to keel over. Emily chuckled, not being able to keep up the act. "Easy killer, she's a waitress at the coffee shop I go to. We just talked about the book I'm reading and I asked her about the area."

Morgan feigned a look of exaggerated disappointment as he retreated back to his desk. The team spent the rest of the morning filing paperwork and writing their reports about their previous case. They all spent the day in a fairly anxiety-ridden state; if they got called onto another case, tonight's plans would have to be cancelled and it would mean three back-to-back cases without a full day between for a break. Luckily, the day came and went without a call from another state needing the BAU's assistance. Prentiss, Garcia, and JJ all went with Emily back to her apartment to get ready; they planned to meet Hotchner, Morgan, Rossi, and Reid at the bar a bit later.

"Are we sure Reid is going to show?" Prentiss asked, running a straightener through her gleaming dark-brown hair. The question sounded rhetorical, but all three women knew that it was directed at JJ, who had always had the closest bond to the BAU's Baby Boy Wonder.

"He promised he would. He knows we're all worried about him. He'll show, even if it's just to save face," JJ replied matter-of-factly as she tugged a navy blue tank top over her head.

"Whoo! It's so hot already and it's not even July," JJ continued.

"Well hopefully a hot night means cold drinks and delicious men until last call. I don't even care about the hangover. We have earned this," Garcia chirped as she fussed with the buckles on a pair of t-strap magenta pumps.

Prentiss and JJ laughed, not sure that they knew what they were getting themselves into. Garcia's phone vibrated on Emily's bathroom counter.

"Could one of you see who that is?" Garcia yelled through clenched teeth holding a near mouthful of bobby pins.

"It's Morgan," JJ called back.

"We all know he can't go too long without me," Garcia giggled playfully as she trotted over to retrieve the phone. "The boys are already there and they're getting impatient. I told him we were walking out the door so shake your tail feathers, ladies!"

The three agents entered the already crowded bar and Prentiss, being the tallest, scanned the room for their male counterparts. She thought she spotted Reid over by the dartboard in the back, but just as she was raising her arm to wave him over, she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder.  
"Emily! Glad you made it out!" It was Addison, the waitress from the café that morning. Emily almost didn't recognize her out of her red apron and with her hair down. She wore a deep purple sundress with spaghetti straps and a v-neck that showed off her hourglass figure. Emily hadn't noticed it before, but there was a small diamond stud in the corner of her bottom lip. She also had a few tattoos—what looked to be simple black script on her ankle, shoulder, and forearm. _Damn, for a profiler in the FBI, I sure missed a hell of a lot of details this morning.  
_ "Oh hey Addison! Nice to see you! These are my friends, Penelope and JJ. We work at the BAU together."  
"BA…U? What is that like a local community college?" Addison asked, furrowing her brow with confusion.  
Penelope let out a laugh that bordered on ear-splitting.  
"Oh lovebug, no. The Behavioral Analysis Unit. We work for the FBI."  
Addison's large green eyes widened with fascination. "That's incredible! I'd love to hear more about it, but I'm guessing you ladies aren't here to talk about work. What are we drinking?"  
JJ, Garcia, and Emily told Addison their orders and she made her way through the crowd to get their drinks.

"She seems really cool. You said you just met her today?" Asked JJ, waving to Rossi who had finally spotted them. They had managed to snag a large booth in a corner that would be big enough to fit the whole team. The men waded through the crowd to meet their friends.

"So where's the mystery woman, Prentiss?" Morgan queried, wiggling his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

"Give it a rest, Morgan. She's at the bar getting our drinks. You fellas are on your own,"

The group laughed and listened to Rossi tell one of his old war stories. They were so engrossed that only Reid, who was sitting at the opposite end of the table, saw her coming and gestured for the group to make room.

"Well you must be Addison," Morgan began, flashing his perfectly white teeth at the young lady. She rolled her eyes playfully and passed out the drinks to the ladies, keeping the last- a Corona with two limes- for herself.

"You guys can call me Addie, practically everyone does. And I'd love to stay and chat with you all more but my friends are begging for me to join them on the dance floor. Come find me later, Emily!" And just like that, their petite new friend disappeared into the sea of people.

"Now she is just too cute," Morgan said, his eyes following her onto the dancefloor. "And so are her other friends. You guys don't mind if I excuse myself for a minute, right?"

The team let out a collective sigh and made room for Morgan to leave the booth.

"He wastes no time," Hotchner remarked as he turned to Rossi to let him finish his story.

A couple more drinks later, Prentiss had rescued Addison from Morgan's advances and brought her over to the bar to meet JJ and Garcia.

"I have heard the term womanizer before but Christ all-frickin-mighty, he lays it on thick!"

The women of the BAU laughed loudly.

"I don't know that I've ever heard someone as unimpressed by Derek as you are, Addie. You deserve a drink!" Emily gleefully declared, clearly a little tipsy from her first few drinks of the night.

"Oh don't get me wrong, the man is gorgeous. I definitely wouldn't kick him out of bed," Addison paused as Garcia nearly spit out her drink, "It just isn't my thing. Plus he's clearly moved on to my friend Monica so it doesn't…" Her voice broke off as she grabbed her Corona and turned to face the booth where the rest of the BAU was sitting. JJ followed Addison's gaze and realized that she was looking intently at the other three men in their crew. Garcia, also clearly feeling her drinks, stood next to Addison and teasingly nudged her ribs with her elbow.

"Ohhh, maybe one of them is more your type?"

Addison quickly looked down at her feet, undoubtedly embarrassed at her obvious gawking at their friends.

"Well, which one? We can definitely pull some strings and introduce you," Emily joked.

"The… erm… the one in the corner?" Addison muttered, almost hoping her new friends wouldn't hear and would change the subject.

"Oh, sorry pumpkin. Tall dark and dapper is happily married."

Addison shrugged and took a swig of her beer. "Really? He looks too young to be married but, just my luck. You guys wanna go dance some more?"

Garcia's mouth was hanging half open as if someone had just knocked her over the head.

"You guys. I think she is referring to our darling boy genius."

JJ and Emily glanced at each other and then back at Addison with shared looks of disbelief on their faces. Addison stared back at them and wondered aloud why they were staring at her like she had just accomplished some incredible feat.

"Did I say something… uhm… what is wrong with you guys?"

JJ, knowing that this was a very rare occurrence for Spence, had to do her sisterly diligence and clarify that Addison was indeed checking him out.

"Not the one in the suit? The one with the messy brown hair and…"

"And the Converse and the Star Wars shirt? Yes. Totally my thing. The skinnier and dorkier, the better." Addison paused and waited for some type of response, but the other three women continued to stare at her in their increasingly bizarre state of wonderment. "So… Can I meet him or what?"

Another stunned pause. Then, suddenly and boisterously, Garcia squealed,

"I hear wedding bells!"

JJ patted Garcia on the back in a calming gesture and said, "Yeah, we can introduce you. But… you should probably be prepared for a few things…"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Addison felt the knots in her stomach multiplying exponentially as Emily, JJ, and Garcia told her all about Reid. Her brain couldn't wrap itself around phrases like " _eidetic memory"_ and _"IQ of 187, but don't let that intimidate you"_ and " _does he have 4 or 5 degrees now? I can't remember."_

"Whoa, whoa… I guess you folks don't just throw around the phrase 'boy genius,' huh?" Addison asked, now trying doubly hard not to stare at the boyishly handsome young man sitting quietly in the corner.

"Did we say yet that he reads 20,000 words per minute?" Emily interjected casually. Everyone on the team had gotten so used to Reid's quirks that they tended to forget how strange and unbelievable they sounded to outsiders.

Addison knew that her new friends were only trying to help, but going back and dancing with Derek was seeming increasingly tempting. _He may be cheesy but at least I won't feel like a complete moron._ Their voices began to overlap and Addison turned towards the bar to get another beer. _Liquid courage will either help me not be nervous or it will help me forget the inevitable humiliation that will happen when they introduce me,_ Addison rationalized as she squeezed the second lime into her drink. She took a sip to ensure that she had achieved the ideal citrus to beer ratio before turning around and finding herself face-to-face with a blue Star Wars t-shirt.

"No Spence, you can't go now! You haven't even met our new friend yet. That's just rude," JJ whined playfully as she prodded him to move closer to the bar next to Addison.

Spencer sighed. It had been a while since he had been out with the team. The girl was attractive, though he had to admit she was not his usual type. She was short, perhaps 5'2". Her dark brown hair hung in loose waves around her face and stopped just below her shoulders. Facial piercings and tattoos were usually a turn-off but hers were more delicate than most he'd seen.

"Fine, I'll have one more drink."

Addison felt her face heat up when she saw Emily give her a thumbs up behind— _fuck! They never even told me his name—_ his shoulder. She glared at the other two women and they took the hint, walking back to their booth across the bar to not-so-subtly observe the awkward pair. As he held out his slender hand to introduce himself, Addison braved her best smile and looked up to confidently meet his eyes. Instantly, she was struck by how gentle his hazel eyes were. Based on what Emily and the girls had told her, she half-expected them to be computer screens or something.

"Hi, I'm Spencer Reid." He shyly offered as he took her small hand in his. Addison tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and replied,

"Addison Perkins, but everyone calls me—"

"Addie, I remember, I have an—"

"Eidetic memory, I know. Your friends already gave me the scoop."

"And you didn't run for the door?" Spencer replied, adding a clearly self-deprecating laugh at the end to ease the tension.

Addison joined him in the laughter and took another drink from her beer. She gazed up at the ceiling and tried to look as casual as possible, propping herself up on the bar with her elbows and leaning back. She wished that the girls hadn't told her everything about Spencer. Sure, meeting someone so smart is intimidating and it's nice to be prepared but how was she supposed to have a conversation with someone _knowing_ that she probably doesn't have anything to say that he doesn't already know?

"Did you know that ripe limes are actually yellow and not green?" Spencer blurted out as Addison was mid-drink.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, I just noticed that you put two limes in you beer each time you drink one. You must like limes so maybe you'd like to know more about them."

Spencer knew he had spoken quickly, and he looked at her waiting for the inevitable look that he gets from all cute girls when he behaves like, well, himself. A look that said he was some type of human computer that should be trotted out in front of friends and family to be marveled at; that he was only good for spitting out random facts. This look was often a combination of awe and pity, and both were things he was tired of people feeling towards him. Spencer waited for Addison to give him this look, but it never came. She simply smiled, took another dainty sip, and replied,

"Nope, I haven't heard that before. Got any more info for a lime enthusiast like myself?"

Spencer chuckled at her unexpected response, "Sadly, I do. For instance, in 1753, Dr. James Lind discovered that—"

"Oh no. Uh, I'm so sorry. Can you hold that thought Spence?"

Addison abruptly rose from her seat and made her way in the direction of the dancefloor. One of her friends had visibly had too much to drink and she was attempting to scan the room for the nearest bathroom. Her height and the fact that her friend was now sitting on the ground were both clear disadvantages, so Spencer walked towards them and, to get her attention, he placed a hand on the small of Addison's back,

"The bathrooms are to the left of the bar. Is your friend okay?"

Addison smiled up at him, obviously grateful that someone had noticed her dilemma.

"Yeah, I think I'm going to have to take her home though. If one of the bartenders or anyone else notices how drunk she is, she'll get kicked out anyways."

Spencer rubbed the back of his neck and began looking around the bar for his other friends. Not being a big drinker, he was at somewhat of a loss in this particular situation. He spotted Emily sitting at a table with a man in a suit.

"I'll be right back," he said in Addison's ear to ensure that she heard him. She watched him walk away, smiling as he interrupted what was clearly a promising conversation between Prentiss and her handsome stranger. Spencer and Emily had a brief chat before parting ways.

"Oh. Addie," Monica mumbled from the floor. "I think I need to go home,"

"I know sweetie, I'm working on that…" Spencer walked up to the girls just then with a comforting smile on his face.

"Emily is outside. She said you can bring your friend to her house since it's only a couple blocks away. I'm just worried about you walking home alone in this part of town."

Addison was struck by his instant protection over her and her friend.

"Okay, uhm… Can you help me walk her out though? I hate to ask but if she falls over we're screwed. I'm not exactly sober myself," Addison pointed out. Spencer wished she hadn't mentioned that. He enjoyed their conversation, but was now convinced that her interest with him was the alcohol talking and nothing more. But, he wasn't about to abandon her and Emily to the somewhat dangerous streets of DC.

Spencer immediately stood on Monica's other side and helped Addison walk her out of the bar. They each wrapped an arm around her waist to support her. Addison cursed at herself internally for being this excited about touching Spencer's forearm with her hand as they made their way through the crowd. _Get it together, Addie. It's a human arm, not a damned wonder of the world._

The cool breeze felt incredible as the trio walked out of the bar to find Emily. She was waiting on the corner with a water bottle ready for Monica. Addison unscrewed the cap and gave Monica a sip. As they rounded the corner to a less busy street, Monica was instantly sick. Spencer and Emily stood back. Addison sat next to Monica on a stoop, rubbing her back in gentle circles with one hand and holding Monica's hair with the other. She turned to face Spencer and mouthed, "I'm sorry." He shrugged and smiled back at her as if to say, _not to worry._

The group was quiet as they slowly walked back to Emily's apartment. Once inside, Monica was sick again and Addison accompanied her to the bathroom.

"It's been a while since I've had a drunk stranger puke in my bathroom and crash on my couch," joked Emily as she pulled out the couch in the living room. She looked up at Spencer, who was gazing at the bathroom door, almost willing it to open. "Addison's cute, huh?" She continued casually, trying not to make it sound like the big deal that it actually was. Emily had only known Reid for a handful of months, but she knew enough about his past to know that women were not typically interested in him.

"Yeah, I guess… I hadn't really uh… why did you guys tell her about me?" He suddenly asked, a hint of irritation in his voice. "I mean I know I have some weird peculiarities that make for interesting conversation but did you really have nothing better to do than talk about me?"

Emily stood up from making the bed and crossed over to Spencer. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, but he crossed his arms and didn't meet her stare.

"No, Spencer. It's not… Oh, you don't get it do you?"

He looked down finally, curious at what she was getting at.

"She was asking us about you."

"What, like who's the nerd in the Star Wars shirt?" Spencer huffed. Emily couldn't help but chuckle at his naïveté.

"For a genius you can be pretty oblivious sometimes. Actually, she told us she thought you were cute and she wanted us to introduce you. It was kind of adorable, she was really nervous."

Reid instantly softened and said, "Really?" as he turned his focus back to the bathroom door.

Emily smiled up at him. She considered telling him more, but kept quiet, knowing that this was a moment he might want to savor for a while.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

 **Author's Note: Hi folks! I went back and made some very minor changes to the first few chapters because… well, I wrote them after working an overnight shift at my job and my sleepiness made it so I didn't proofread as carefully as I needed to. I also added an author's note at the beginning of Chapter One. There's no major changes so don't feel like you have to read it, just wanted to let you guys know! Enjoy the next chapter =)  
-**

It was a rare weekend off for the team and Reid had planned on making the most of it. He started off his Saturday morning by writing a letter to his mother in Las Vegas and drinking two cups of coffee. In her last letter, Diana had asked if Spencer was feeling better about Gideon's sudden departure. If Reid was honest, he was feeling even worse as time went on. But he didn't want to add any stress to his mother's already difficult situation, so he made a vague statement about "time healing all wounds" and "slowly but surely." neither of those phrases sounded like things he would say in real life; Spencer Reid was many things but cliché was not one of them. _How pathetic_ , he thought. _I don't even have the energy to sound like myself._

The truth was, he was miserable without Gideon. He felt himself slowly pulling away from the team and wanting to isolate himself completely. Going out to the bar last night was the first time he had been out with the team in a couple of months at least.

He toyed with the idea of writing about Addison in his letter since she was certainly on his mind, but ultimately decided against it. His mother was always asking if he had met any interesting girls, and technically he had met one. But he was convinced that their conversation in the bar would end up being just that—a one-time conversation with a stranger. Maybe she would tell her girlfriends about the "nerdy FBI genius I met the other night!" for the next week, but he was sure that he would slowly fade from her memory. Still, his stomach did a small flip each time he thought about the fact that she had been interested in him. So often he had been the one looking at someone from across a room, wondering if they would find him attractive. If the roles had ever been reversed before meeting Addison, he was completely unaware.

* * *

Addison woke up (does it count as waking up if you barely slept?) with the sun on Saturday morning. It took a few moments to gauge her surroundings.

 _Pull-out sofa. Monica's passed out next to me. But this isn't any of our friend's places…_

"Well good morning," called a friendly but unfamiliar voice from the kitchen.

"Oh, Emily!" Addison responded in a half whisper as she climbed out of the bed and tip-toed across the room, "Thanks again for letting us stay. I promise she's not always like that…"

"We've all been that girl at the party before. It's really no big deal." Emily slid a cup of coffee across the counter to Addison, who eagerly began gulping it down.

"Still, I'm sure this isn't what you had in mind when you went out last night,"

Emily simply shook her head and smiled reassuringly. She asked,

"Did you at least have fun? I mean, before your friend decided to drink herself under the table." Addison smiled at the thought of meeting Spencer, and hoped Emily wouldn't notice her blushing but before she could answer…

"Well, don't keep me in suspense. What did you think of Reid?"

Addison smiled softly, "He's… kind of awesome. I mean, we didn't get to talk much. But he's funny. And goofy. And so handsome. And he offered to walk us home even though Mon was a complete mess. I'm sure he thinks I'm a complete idiot but… I don't know that I'd blame him," Addison shrugged. She hoped Emily would tell her more about him, but she didn't want to pry.

"Yeah, he's pretty great. He takes some getting used to, and he's-" Emily hesitated. She wanted to tell Addison that he'd been through a lot lately, but then she recalled how upset he had been when they had talked about him the night before.

"He's what?" Addison asked, sounding worried.

"Nothing. I'm sure he would rather be the one to tell you about himself."

Addison exhaled sharply. She was always so hard on herself. "After last night's performance? I highly doubt it."

* * *

 _Should I ask Emily for her number? I'm so stupid, I didn't even ask for it last night. But maybe she's mentioned me?_ He thought, stirring the fifth teaspoon of sugar into his third cup of coffee. _No. We barely spoke. I talked about limes. She wouldn't want to hear from me anyways._

Spencer got dressed and walked from his apartment to his favorite spot in the park to practice chess for a couple hours. It was still somewhat early in the morning, so he would have privacy. When nobody was around, it was easier for him to imagine that nothing had changed; Gideon was right in front of him, talking about birds and teaching him new chess moves. Tobias Hankel was caught before he could harm anyone, Spencer included. There were no flashbacks, no cravings, no meetings, and no new team members. Life was the way it should be.

He played until the park became crowded and his mind wouldn't let him imagine anymore. Throwing his messenger bag over his shoulder, Spencer rose from his seat, put his hands in his pockets, and walked with his head down to his next stop for the day.

* * *

Emily and Addison chatted for another 30 minutes before Monica began to stir. Emily forced herself to steer the conversation away from Reid. She didn't want to divulge any more of his personal information, no matter how well-intentioned she knew she was. Emily learned a bit more about Addison. She was the middle of three children, had just turned 24, spoke some (admittedly awful) French and was working at a treatment center for abused children. She was working extra hours at the coffee shop to save money for graduate school.

"Addie. Can we- hic!- go home now?" Monica groaned from the living room, her face buried in a pillow to block out any light that might creep in.

Emily and Addison laughed as they began helping Monica gather her things.

"You guys okay to get home?" Emily asked, protective of her new young friend.

"Yeah, I left my car at the coffee shop last night so we just have a couple blocks to walk. And we don't live far."  
Emily opened the door of her apartment and pointed them in the direction of the elevator, watching to make sure they made it. Monica paused halfway down the hallway to slump over a decorative end table and burp some more. Addison took her opportunity to jog back down the hallway,

"I know this is silly. I really hate being _that girl_ right now but… well… the next time you see Spencer, can you give him my number? I mean… if he asks about me. I don't want to seem desperate or anything but..."

Emily grinned at how fast Addison was talking. _Reminds me of someone else I know,_ she thought.

"Yeah don't worry. We should go out again soon!"

Addison looked noticeably relieved. She turned back towards Monica, who appeared to be dry heaving into a plastic potted plant.

"Jesus… Yeah definitely!" she called, before shoving Monica into the elevator and disappearing with a friendly wave.

* * *

Monday morning at the BAU, Emily arrived early with coffee in hand from Addison's shop. Reid was already at his desk, his index finger skinning down the pages of what looked to be a botany textbook but she wasn't going to ask.

"Hey Reid. How was your weekend?"

He answered with a shrug and continued reading. Emily wanted to tell give him Addison's number, but she could tell he wasn't in the mood for a casual chat.

The team trickled into the bullpen and made small-talk before being called into the briefing room for a new case.

"Well, at least we had the weekend off…" Derek complained with a roll of his eyes.

Emily was gathering some papers as Reid awkwardly approached her desk.

"So, um, I've been meaning to ask…"

Emily stopped him, knowing how hard this kind of thing must be for him.

"Here," She said gently, and handed him a folded piece of paper with Addison's number scribbled in blue ink, "she wanted me to give you this."

And then his stomach did the biggest flip yet.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"Come on, Pretty Ricky. You really think you can just sit there with a girl's number burning a hole in your pocket and we're not going to ask you about it?"

Reid leaned his head against the window of the black SUV and exhaled slowly. Morgan was right. Nothing stayed a secret between members of the BAU for too long. And he had to admit, talking about something so light-hearted was a welcome distraction after the case in Fredricksburg, Virginia. Long discussions about decomposing body parts covered in cigarette burns were, he hoped, a thing of the past. At the same time, he didn't want to have this particular conversation in front of everybody. He still felt like he barely knew Rossi, and Morgan would just tease him. He locked eyes with JJ, who sat beside him in the back seat and she immediately got the hint.

"You okay?" she started simply, scooting over to the middle seat next to Reid.

"Yeah, I just…" he paused to look out the window. Romance was such a foreign topic to Reid. Of course he could recite Shakespearean sonnets and poems by Lord Byron. But when it came to his own feelings, he didn't even know how he was supposed to casually discuss a girl he found attractive.

"Just what?" JJ asked, trying her best not to force anything. She wanted to be careful not to put words in his mouth or make assumptions. As much as he tried to hide it, she knew he was still grieving. He had been through something so frightening, and to have Gideon leave so soon afterwards only magnified his pain and isolation. JJ wasn't going to pretend she understood what he was feeling, so she just sat and waited for him to speak.

"I don't think I can do this, JJ. I'm not… I don't do dating, I don't flirt. The last person I kissed was Lila and, well, you saw how that turned out," he said meekly.

"Spence, nobody is forcing you to do anything. But," she paused, wrinkling her forehead in search of a delicate way to continue.

"But I've been through a lot and you're all worried about me. I know." There it was again. People were pitying him. _They don't want me to get a girlfriend, they just want me to act like everything's okay so they can stop worrying. I'm just a burden.  
_  
"Well, yes. And she seems sweet. And you already know she likes you. Usually that's half the battle."

Spencer smirked and brought his hand to his chin as he turned to look out the window again. _She did seem sweet,_ he recalled. He pictured her gently rubbing her friend's back and trying to soothe her as she was sick in the street, not a hint of judgment or irritation in her delicate voice. He remembered her embarrassed smile as she apologized for her friend's behavior. _If she didn't like me, would she have even cared what I thought?  
_  
"We're all here to help you if you need it, kid," Morgan called back from the driver's seat.

Reid pulled the wrinkled piece of paper with Addison's number on it out of his pocket and stared at it. He pulled out his cell phone and, with a slightly shaking hand, opened it to the never-before-used text messaging screen. He turned to JJ and asked helplessly,

"Can you just show me how to type on this thing?"

* * *

Addison arrived back at her apartment around 10pm after a particularly difficult shift at the treatment center. One of the children had an extremely aggressive tantrum that night and had broken his door down before Addison was able to restrain him. He head-butted her in the jaw a couple of times before calming down. She stood in front of her bathroom mirror and prodded at the mark.

 _That's gonna look cute in the morning,_ she thought as she sighed heavily and knelt down to rummage through her cabinet for some bubble bath.

As the water was running and the bathroom was filling with the smell of roses and vanilla, she walked to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of red wine. Monica had bought her a bottle of her favorite brand as a "thank-you-for-taking-care-of-my-drunk-ass" present earlier in the week but Addison had been saving it for an emergency like this one.

Addison carefully lowered herself into the bath, the hot water initially stinging her various scratches and bite marks she had received throughout the two-hour tantrum. She took a deep breath and waited for the stinging to stop. _It always takes a few seconds to stop burning,_ she reminded herself. She sipped her wine and closed her eyes, trying her hardest "not to take the kids home with her," as her supervisor reminded her almost daily. She reached for her phone to turn on some music as a distraction when she saw that she had a new message from an unknown number.

 **10:11pm: Did you know that in 1753, a Scottish naval surgeon named James Lind discovered that the juice from limes and other citrus fruits cured scurvy?**

A laugh. A deep breath. _It's really him. Finally.  
_  
 **10:13pm: Spencer?  
10:14pm: Yeah. I would have called sooner but we got a case a few days ago. We're just leaving now and I didn't want to wake you. Is it okay that I messaged you this late?**

Another couple drinks of wine. _Courage, Addie. Don't say anything stupid. Don't reply too quickly._

 **10:17pm: Yeah of course! I just got home from work.**

 _Best not to mention that I'm naked in a bubble bath right now… He doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would want to hear that kind of stuff so soon._

 **10:19pm: Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?**

 _Based on what the girls told me, I guess I can't be too surprised that social niceties aren't exactly his strong suit. Don't give him a hard time._

 **10:19pm: I'd love to =)**

* * *

In the SUV, JJ and Morgan were watching quietly as Reid attempted to flirt via text message. Like everything else, he got the hang of texting pretty quickly. The car was silent, except for the vibration of his phone and the clicking of the keyboard as he carefully crafted his responses. JJ could only see his face when the light of the screen illuminated his increasingly pale skin, but she always saw that he was smiling.

"So… are you gonna make me tackle you and steal your phone to read the messages for myself or what, Reid?"

JJ kicked the back of Morgan's seat, playfully defending Spencer's privacy. Of course she was happy that someone had finally broken the silence.

"She uh… she said she'd have dinner with me." Reid's voice sounded shocked and quiet.

"My man!" Morgan hollered from the front seat. He held his arm out behind him, obviously waiting for a fist-bump that would never come. Reid sat staring at his phone in disbelief.

"Well, where are you going to take her?" JJ asked, trying to shake Spencer out of his trance.

"I haven't said anything. She just said yes and I didn't know what to say!"

JJ rolled her eyes, "Well you have to say _something._ Take charge. Just ask her when she's available next."

Reid did as he was told, and his phone almost immediately buzzed and glowed with her response. He cleared his throat and shot JJ a nervous glance.

"Tomorrow. She said she's free tomorrow night."

Morgan looked at Reid in the rear-view mirror and raised a mischievous eyebrow.

"Well then, Cinderella. We need to get you ready for the ball."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

 **A/N: Hey folks. Sorry it took me so long to get these two chapters up. Just to give you a little background info on myself, I'm working two jobs, doing an internship, halfway through a master's degree, and I'm getting married in 44 days so… I'm a tad busy and if it takes me a while to post an update, one or all of those things is probably why, haha. Plus I really wanted to write and post Spencer and Addison's first date (chapter 7!) so I didn't keep you guys in suspense any longer. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"It doesn't look... That bad..." Monica offered, trying to sound as reassuring as possible. She and Addison were standing next to each other in Addison's bedroom examining her chin in her mirror.

"It's got spots! Oh god. And I have my date with Spencer tonight. It looks awful," she groaned as she flopped down on her bed and covered her face in a pillow.

"You knew you'd have a huge bruise today, why did you even say yes?"

Addison shot Monica an irritated glare.

"I was excited! I've been waiting for him to call me for like a week! Forgive me if vanity wasn't my first priority."

"Maybe it should have been..." Monica said under her breath. She was always quick with a snarky response for just about any situation. It was one of the things Addison loved most about her, even if it was obnoxiously unhelpful.

"Should I cancel?" Addison asked, already digging through her makeup bag for her most powerful concealer.

"On FBI man? I wouldn't. He probably has a crazy schedule. Who knows when he'll be free again?"

Addison nodded, knowing Monica was right. Plus, she had thought about him practically all week. She wanted him to tell her more random facts about the world and about his job as a profiler. Emily made it seem like he had maybe been through some difficult things recently, and she wanted to hear about those things too, if he wanted to tell her.

"No, I won't cancel. I'll just hope it fades by tonight. And that I can work some serious magic with this makeup."

* * *

The morning dragged for Spencer, as busy as he tried to keep himself. He followed his usual schedule of writing a letter to his mother with his morning coffee before practicing chess and reading. When you can read 20,000 words a minute, reading isn't exactly a huge time killer.

It was 3:42pm. They had made plans to meet at her apartment at 7, then walk to a nearby burger place. Spencer was glad about that. Whenever he had the choice, he always favored walking instead of driving. It was easier to watch people and wonder about them, or look at buildings and think about how long they'd been there.

Spencer stood staring at his bookshelf trying to think of ways to pass the time when he felt his phone ringing in his pocket.  
 _It's her. I know it's her. She's calling to cancel._ He took a deep breath before looking at the screen to see who it was.

 **AARON HOTCHNER  
**  
Damn, we have a case? Reid flipped open his phone, already dreading the idea of having to cancel his date. The first real date he had ever been on.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Reid? It's Hotch. I don't mean to bother you on your day off but, well, JJ told me you have a date with that nice girl from the bar last weekend and I just wanted to wish you luck."

Reid was shocked. He had wanted to ask someone on the team for advice. Not Morgan. Spencer knew that Derek's style of dating was not something he could ever hope to emulate. Hotch was really who he wanted to talk to but, with Haley just serving him divorce papers a few days before, Reid knew it would be insensitive to ask.

"Oh. Wow. Thanks Hotch, that's uh... Really great of you."

Spencer fidgeted with an old chessboard on his coffee table. Hotch wasn't a man of many words, and the words he did say were rarely about anything other than the BAU.

"Of course. I know this is a big deal for you. I wanted to offer my support," he said, matter of factly.

"Thank you sir, I appreciate it."

"Do you need any pointers? I know it's been a while since you've been out with a girl."

Spencer rolled his eyes at his own inexperience. It wasn't exactly a big secret that Spencer had never truly dated anyone, but he was grateful that Hotch had tried to spare his feelings.  
Reid's silence told Hotch everything he needed to know, so he continued,

"Hold the door for her. Answer her questions. Ask about her and listen to what she says, don't just wait for your turn to speak."

Reid thought that this all sounded like very obvious advice, but he also knew how flustered he became when he was anxious so he was grateful for any help he could get.  
 _  
_"When it comes to the good night kiss…" Hotch began casually. Reid's mind was immediately flooded with terror. He had been so worried about making the date and picking the right place and figuring out what to wear that he hadn't even thought about what to do when the date was over.

"Sir I really don't think-"

"Reid, I really only want to have this conversation once so just please let me finish."

Spencer smiled. This had to be difficult for Hotch; talking about the excitement and romance of a first date while an impending divorce looms overhead would be difficult for anybody.

"Now, when it comes to a kiss… it's hard to explain, but if she wants you to kiss her you'll be able to tell."

For the first time, Spencer's face fell into a puzzled frown. _That's not helpful. That's not helpful at all. I should be able to just tell? That can't be right. There has to be more to it than that._

"How am I supposed to do that?" Reid asked.

"Use your instincts, Reid. You do it all the time in the briefing room and when we're on a case. You understand body language and tone of voice. I know this is new to you, but you already know more about relationships than most people."  
 _The relationship between serial killers and their victims, maybe._ Spencer thought about pressing Hotch for more information, but his mind quickly went back to Haley and the divorce.

"You're right. Thanks for the call, sir."

Spencer hung up and continued to pace around the living room of his apartment. He thought about calling Emily or JJ or even Morgan for more advice but stopped himself when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

 **4:04pm: I'm really excited to see you tonight =)**

Spencer felt his stomach do another jump. A smile parted his lips and he ran a hand through his hair thinking of how to respond.

 **4:05pm: Me too. 7:00 feels like a long time from now.**

He felt instant regret after he sent the message. _Well that sounded desperate._

 **4:07pm: You can come over earlier if you want!**

Unexpected nerves. _If she wants me to come now… does that mean she's as excited as I am?_ Spencer ran to his bathroom to look in the mirror. He had chosen a light grey button-down shirt, black corduroys, and navy blue Converse sneakers. His hair was the usual chestnut brown mess that it always was, but he didn't have time to change that. Before even responding, he found himself putting his messenger bag over his shoulder and fumbling with his keys to lock the door. Halfway down the hallway, he stopped and pulled out his phone. Staring at the empty screen, he tapped his foot and took a deep breath.

 **4:11pm: I'm on my way.**

 _There,_ he thought. _Simple, direct, not too eager. That should be okay, right?_

Just as he made his way to the bottom of the stairs and out the front door, his phone buzzed again.

 **4:13pm: Can't wait! See you soon Spence =)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Addison got ready in a hurry. She had sent the text telling Spencer to come over earlier without really thinking, then immediately kicked herself for sounding desperate. After staring at his reply in disbelief for a few minutes, she flung herself off the bed and tore open her closet doors. Monica had left to go see a movie with friends, so she was completely on her own. After trying on a handful of outfits and standing like a flamingo in front of her mirror to decide on shoes, Addison ultimately settled on a lacy coral tank top, denim shorts, and white sandals. It was the middle of summer and since she had a tendency to sweat profusely when she was nervous – _God, I am just irresistible, aren't it?—_ layers weren't really an option.

She braided her long bangs and pinned them back with a bobby pin, leaving the rest of her hair down. Just as she was spritzing herself with perfume, she heard a knock at the door. She checked her face in the mirror one last time – _That damned bruise—_ before rushing to the living room to open the door. With a deep breath, she turned the doorknob and swung the door open. Reid had both hands in his pockets, but he immediately took one out to offer his hand in another shake, just as he had done at the bar.

"It's great to see you again Spencer. Come on in!" Addison stepped to the side to make room for him in the small entryway of her apartment. As she reached past him to close the door, he inhaled her faint vanilla perfume. Once the door was closed, she looked up at him with a sweet smile and shrugged her shoulders, as if to ask him what he wanted to do. All he could do was impolitely stare at what appeared to be a large purple bruise on her chin.

"Oh! Yeah. I should have warned you about that before you had to look at it, I know it's pretty ugly." she joked as she self-consciously put her small hand on her face.

"No, it's not—you're not—you look very pretty—I mean, you just—Can I ask what happened?"

Addison felt her skin flushing when he said the word pretty. _It was lost in a sea of awkward stutters, but he said it._

"I'm guessing Emily didn't tell you what I do for work?"

"Uh no, she neglected to mention that you're a boxer in addition to being a waitress." Addison laughed, and as she laughed she took her hand off her chin and brushed his upper arm without thinking.

"Yes because I'm so tough and intimidating right? No, I work with severely abused children in a treatment center. One of them just head-butted me last night during a tantrum."

Spencer was shocked. At the BAU, he had spent so much of his time hunting dangerous adults who had been abused growing up. It stunned him to realize that he hadn't given much thought to what these adults would have been like as children.

"It's really worse than it looks though," Addison continued with a shrug, "I'm really surprised my legs don't look worse to be honest. Before the chin thing, he broke his door down and was slamming me in the shins with the bottom of it."

He looked down at her tan legs and, indeed, there were a few large scrapes and bruises on them as well. Addison noticed him looking and instantly apologized for her appearance.

"I didn't ask you out because of your scrape-free legs, Addison." Spencer offered gently, surprising himself with this sudden onset of confident charm.

"Well that's good because I'm sure they won't look much better the next time you see me."

 _Next time? She wants there to be a next time already? Should I say something? How soon is too soon to make a second date? 5 minutes into the first one is probably too soon. Maybe if I—_

"And everyone calls me Addie, remember? Now, where to first? 4:45 is a little early for dinner but there's a great ice cream stand a few blocks from here if that sounds okay?"

"Dessert before dinner?"

"I live on the edge, Doctor," Addison said with a smirk as she put a pair of gold aviator sunglasses on and led Spencer out of her apartment and into the sunshine.

* * *

"So, did you grow up around here?" Addison asked Spencer through a mouthful of mango sorbet. _Did you know that mango trees can grow to be over 100 feet high?_

"Actually I'm from Las Vegas." Addison looked up at him and stifled a giggle.

"What is it? I'm not cool enough to be from Vegas?"

"I mean, the whole '3 PhDs' thing doesn't really mesh with the whole 'Sin City' thing, but also… you've got a huge thing of ice cream right in the middle of your chin."

Spencer shook his head and sighed at his complete lack of grace. Noticing his frustration, Addison took a spoonful of her own ice cream and placed a generous dollop right on the tip of her nose. His face instantly broke into a warm smile as he looked into her grass-green eyes. He heard himself laugh loudly and was taken aback by the sound. _If only I could tell her how long it's been since someone genuinely made me laugh._

Being silly with someone was a foreign concept to Spencer. His awkward tendencies and endless trivia usually caused him to be the butt of nearly every joke at the office but with Addison, those things felt like strengths rather than flaws. It was too soon to be thinking so seriously about someone, but oh, how good it felt to be with someone who accepted him. He didn't feel the same comfort that he felt when Gideon was still on the team, but listening to her warm and unapologetic laughter made him feel like he was getting closer.

Spencer and Addison walked alongside each other from the ice cream shop to a book store, then to a small art gallery before finally making it to the restaurant. They talked for hours. He talked about his childhood (the nicer details, anyway) and what it was like going to high school before barely reaching puberty. They talked about the team at the BAU and how Morgan wasn't really as sleazy as he seemed, how Rossi was new but already fitting in with almost everyone, and how Emily could speak multiple languages. She told him more about her job- how she had worked there for almost three years and had endured a broken nose, multiple bites and pulled-out chunks of hair, and one instance of a 12-year-old boy trying to push her down a flight of stairs. She joked about wondering what it says about her that she loves her job. But when she talked about loving the kids, Spencer could hear the tenacity in her voice saying she meant it.

When they finally left the restaurant, the sun was almost completely set. The sky was cast with orange and pink, and the few clouds in the sky looked as though they were lined with liquid gold. As they walked next to each other, Addison's knuckles kept bumping and grazing the back of Spencer's hand. Each time they touched, he stopped himself from grabbing her hand. _It's too soon. You're not ready. If she knew about the dilaudid and the schizophrenic mother and everything else, she'd run anyways. What am I even doing trying to date someone so kind and so beautiful and so… normal?_

"You okay?" Addison asked softly, her eyes slightly narrowed with worry as she stopped to look up at him. He had been silent for a bit too long, gutlessly considering faking a headache and leaving. _It'll be better this way. You can't date someone. You can't even stand to be with yourself right now._ All of his logic and knowledge and education was practically screaming at him that this was wrong.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just…" His voice trailed off, searching for the right way to end the date early.

"Spencer. I'm not a profiler but I can tell when someone is upset. What is it? Did I… did I do something wrong? I thought we were having fun but if you're not—"

He heard the disappointment in her voice and immediately caved.

"No, I'm having a great time with you. Really."

She smiled. Relieved.

"Okay, so then what is it?"

Spencer put his hands in his pockets and walked a few steps ahead of her. Boldly, Addison walked ahead and placed one of her hands tenderly in the crook of his elbow. She stayed silently behind him. Supportive. Gentle. Just as she had been with her friend who was sick. She wasn't asking anything of him in that moment, except maybe each time her hand gave his arm a gentle squeeze she was asking him _please don't go._

"I've, uh… I've got a lot going on. Some things have happened recently and I just don't know if… If this is a good idea. For me. Or for you."

Addison took a step to face him. She let go of his arm. Not because she was hurt, even though she was, but because she wanted to be respectful.

"I get it. I mean, I don't get exactly what you're going through, and I'm not going to force you to talk about it. I just…"

She paused and looked down at the ground. Her breathing was shaky.

"What?" Spencer asked eagerly. He placed a hand on her shoulder in the hopes that it would get her to look up at him again. He knew it was wrong, but he was half hoping she would say something that would convince him to stay. He knew he wasn't ready for it to begin, but he also couldn't stand the idea of never seeing her again.

"I just really like you, Spence. But I won't ask you to do anything that you aren't ready for. That's not fair to you. I wish I could help you with whatever it is that you're going through. If you ever want to talk, you have my number."

With that, Addison gave a polite smile and turned to leave. Spencer let his hand trail down her shoulder to her hand. He held onto it for a few seconds before pulling her into his chest with a strength that amazed him. She gasped softly as he brushed her hair off of her cheek. She took his face in her soft hands and tilted his head to look into his eyes.

"Spence, you don't have to—"

With both hands on her waist, Spencer leaned into her until their foreheads were touching. He took a deep breath, taking in her simple vanilla perfume and the warm summer air. With his eyes closed, he parted his lips and placed them gently on her mouth. Addison stood on her tip-toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her. His hands moved from her waist to her back and her shoulders until she was completely wrapped in his arms. The kisses were soft but deep and full of passion. Just moments ago, Spencer was thinking of how to end the date, and now he was thinking of how he never wanted this feeling to end. He hadn't felt like a whole person since his encounter with Tobias Hankel, and he wasn't naïve enough to think that something as simple as a beautiful kiss with a beautiful girl could fix him so quickly.

But maybe JJ had been right; maybe it was a good place to start.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

 **A/N: This chapter is meant to take place roughly after "3rd Life" in Season 3 but from this point on, I plan on making it somewhat non-canonical since I wanted to focus more on Spencer's addiction than they did in the show. Just a heads up!**

 **Also, special thanks to my dear friend Becky for helping me edit this chapter. You're the best!**

It had been three weeks since their first date—actually it had been 20 days, 3 hours, and 32 minutes, but only one of them was counting—and Spencer and Addison were already falling into a fairly predictable, if not slightly atypical, routine. At the end of each date, they would make plans to see each other again as soon as Spencer's schedule would allow. More often than not, one person would text or call the other hours before the date saying they didn't want to wait and could you please just come over now? They would get coffee or wander around museums or bookstores hand in hand before finally making their way to dinner. Spencer had most recently taken her to his favorite Indian restaurant and she loved it just as much as he did. After each date, he would walk her home and they would share a series of soft kisses in her doorway before saying good-bye. Spencer was surprised at how much he enjoyed the simplicity of just standing and kissing someone. Each time he walked away from her apartment, he always thought of Einstein's definition of insanity- doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. _Strange how doing the same thing over and over again with the Addison doesn't feel insane at all._

The team had worked two cases in those 20 days, and one of them took a significant toll on the entire team. Cases involving children or teenagers were always the hardest, even when the unsub was a teenager themselves. Spencer had a well-known soft spot for troubled and misunderstood teenagers, and it didn't take a genius or even an FBI profiler to guess why. When this last case ended with a teenage boy getting shot in front of him, Spencer sat quiet and still for most of the flight home. To his surprise, it was Rossi who noticed his silence.

"I've been doing this for a long time. Never gets any easier when there's kids involved," Rossi offered as he sat in the empty seat opposite Reid. He was silent, but his body language didn't indicate that he wanted to be left alone, so Rossi kept going.

"I'm thinking of having everyone over to my house once we get back. A little pasta, vino, and Sinatra might be just the thing we all need, don't you think kid?"

Rossi leaned forward, a conspiratorial glint in his eye,

"You could even bring that young lady you've been seeing. We'd all love to meet her again,"

Spencer sat up in his chair with a half-irritated, half-impressed look on his face. He hadn't told anyone on the team much about Addison. After their first date, he deliberately didn't bring it up again. In a strange way, he liked navigating this relationship without help from anyone else on the team. It felt more authentic that way, like Addison was truly dating him for him.

"Come on man, did you really think we couldn't tell?" Morgan called out from across the aisle of the jet. Spencer briefly began to protest but then stopped himself and smiled. He knew he was fooling himself if he thought they would never ask about her.

"Sure. Uh, just let me know when it is and we'll be there."

* * *

Spencer took out his cell phone and dialed Addison's number immediately after walking into his apartment. He had done this the last time he got home after working a case and found it helped take his mind off the gruesome details, and off of the dilaudid he seemed to be craving more and more whenever a case upset him the way this one had.

He was halfheartedly trying to recall if he had any more vials hidden somewhere in his apartment when she answered with a joyful "Hey you!" Spencer didn't think he would ever get tired of hearing the excitement in her voice when he called.

"Hey Addie, how are you?" He often toyed with the idea of assigning her some term of endearment like he had seen other couples do. _Darling_ was the one his brain most frequently latched onto given his old-fashioned sensibilities, but he could never muster the courage to actually say the word.

"Just closing up the coffee shop. Ready to go home and—" she paused to yawn loudly "-take a very long bath."

Spencer smiled. It was a Thursday, which he remembered were her longest work days. She worked at the treatment center in the mornings and the coffee shop at night. Although he worked long and unpredictable hours as well, he always felt bad for her when she was so tired all the time.

"Well I won't keep you up, I just—

"Aw Spence, you know I always love hearing from you no matter how tired I am."

He smiled and felt the apples of his cheeks warming with contentment, thoughts of the drug becoming more distant with each second.

"Well I hope you know I feel the same way," he replied. He could practically hear her silently grinning on the other end of the phone.

"I do. So, how did the case go?"

Spencer felt himself instantly tense up, and his thoughts turned to the vials again. He was ashamed of even thinking of it when Addison was on the phone, completely unaware of what was going through his disgustingly dependent brain. He sighed and resigned to tell her that it went fine, they caught the bad guy, nothing out of the ordinary. He feared that if he told her one bad thing he would have to tell her all of the terrible things. And he wasn't ready for that yet. When he was truly honest with himself, he wasn't sure he would ever be ready for that. He brushed past the case and quickly continued,

"Rossi wants to have a dinner at his house tomorrow night for the team. And he asked me to bring you. Is that okay? We don't have to go if you don't want to, I just thought we've been out a few times and—"

Addison chuckled and stopped him from rambling,

"That sounds like fun! When are you picking me up?"

* * *

At exactly 7:00pm, Spencer knocked on the door of Addison's apartment. He had only been to Rossi's house once before but he recalled it being nice and well-decorated enough that it made him feel like he should be a little dressed up, so he wore a white button-down shirt rolled up to the elbows, a skinny burgundy tie, and charcoal slacks. He held a single white lily in his hand (Addison had mentioned once that she found roses to be overrated and that she thought they took attention away from other flowers) as he waited for her to answer.

"Be right—dammit—there!" he heard her call from what must have been her cramped bathroom. He heard something fall on the ground before he heard the lock jiggling.

"Well hello handsome," she said as she fell into his chest and wrapped her arms around his slender waist. As she bent her head to smell the lily, he softly kissed the top of her head- an affectionate display that was quickly becoming one of his favorite things to do- before they walked into her apartment together.

"I'm almost ready, I promise!" She called as she ran to her closet to find a pair of shoes. When she came out of her bedroom, Spencer had a moment to fully take her in. She wore a navy blue dress made out of lace and dark grey pumps. As she brushed past him to get a bottle of wine from her kitchen, he smiled at her familiar vanilla perfume.

"You, uh… You look really wonderful, Addie."

She rested a hand on his chest and stood on her toes to kiss him. The quick and delicate peck she had intended was, for reasons Spencer didn't understand, not enough for him. Feeling an unfamiliar boldness intensifying throughout his entire body, he took her face in his hands and deepened the kiss. With each hungry caress, he pressed his fingertips harder into her, begging her not to stop. Addison set the bottle of wine back on the counter so she could run both hands along his shoulders and into his hair. They took a few steps backwards, their entire bodies moving as one, until she was pressed against the wall. Spencer ran his hands down to her waist, pulling her so close to him that she could feel the cool metal of his belt buckle through her thin dress. Addison let a soft moan escape her lips, and he immediately pulled back.

"Was I doing something wrong?" He asked softly, through shallow and shaky breaths. She rested her forehead against his. All she could do was smile shake her head _no_ , her breathing just as ragged as his.

"You were doing something very, very right actually," she added after taking a few deep breaths, "but as much as I wish we could just do this for a while, we probably shouldn't keep the team waiting."

"You're right," he replied, grabbing the wine and heading for her front door, "they'll, uh, probably tease us if we show up too late."

Addison grabbed his hand as they walked outside together. Spencer looked down at her, her hair gently stroking her shoulders in the breeze, and he felt that same unfamiliar confidence beginning to stir.

"Eh, let them wait just a little while longer," he said in a near-whisper before leaning into her for one more kiss.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

 **So, it's been literally months but I finally felt like writing. Life got a little bonkers after the wedding. Also, if you've never heard the song "My Funny Valentine" before, give it a listen before you read this chapter, or at least read the lyrics. I think it will give you a good insight into how Addison feels about Spencer. And I'm sorry (or I'm not sorry?) about how long this chapter is. I had lots of little scenes I wanted to add in and there wasn't really a good place for a break.**

 **Enjoy! I've missed you guys =)**

* * *

Spencer felt his hands become slightly clammy as he and Addison walked up to the porch of Rossi's house waiting for him to answer the door. He wasn't nervous about his friends not liking Addison; Emily, Garcia, and JJ had already given their seal of approval after that first night in the bar. He was afraid of how to act with them while Addison was around. If he wanted to kiss her in the middle of a conversation, should he? If he was always at her side, would he look too clingy? If he left her alone, would he appear inconsiderate?

Just before they knocked on the door, he stood in front of her and took both her hands in his. She smiled easily up at him and brushed some hair out of his eyes.

"Addie, I just want you to know… I've never done this before."

"Done what Spence, have dinner with friends?" She joked, but apologized as soon as she could tell he was trying to tell her something more serious.

"I'm sure you've figured it out by now that I've never dated anybody seriously. So, I've never had someone to bring to these types of things. And I'm just not sure what to do or how to act, I guess?"

She smiled and took a step closer to him, wrapping her arms around him and running her fingertips gently through the hair at the nape of his neck.

"I'll let you in on a little secret. I'm not exactly an expert at this kind of thing either, so let's just enjoy ourselves and see what happens. We make each other happy, and if your friends are as wonderful as you say they are, they'll see that and that will be enough for them. Right?"

Spencer pulled Addison close to him for a kiss, but they were quickly interrupted by the slamming of a car door that was immediately followed by an exaggerated whistle.

"Sorry to interrupt, lovebirds!" Morgan called from the sidewalk. When Addison saw Garcia get out of the passenger side, she immediately skipped down the path to greet her.

"Hey cupcake, what's shakin'?" Garcia asked in her usual up-beat tone as she gave Addison a quick hug.

Morgan walked to the top of the steps and gave Spencer an affectionate clap on the shoulder, the way an older brother would do before a championship little league game.

"Glad you decided to bring her, kid."

Garcia bounced in between them and knocked on the door. As the small group huddled closely together on the porch, Addison rested her head on Spencer's shoulder and interlaced her fingers with his. She looked up at him and gave his hand a gentle, comforting squeeze. He kissed her forehead once more before Rossi boisterously opened the front door and welcomed them into the expansive foyer.

The foursome was the last of the dinner party to arrive. Introductions were brief, since everyone had met Addison once before. She greeted everybody with hugs or warm handshakes before walking to the kitchen to offer Rossi the bottle of wine she brought. He jovially kissed her on the cheek and said,

"Seeing the kid as happy as he is would be enough of a gift. But I won't say no to a good cabernet. Would you like a glass?"

Addison blushed and stifled a nervous giggle before accepting the glass and making her way back to the living room. The fire burning in the hearth cast a warm and welcoming glow onto the entire team. The hum of soft jazz music was barely audible over the various conversations that were taking place. Being alone in a room full of FBI agents made her feel secure and terrified at the same time. She stood at the edge of the carpet watching them, wondering what kind of impression she would make. Even though she had only met them all once, she knew what a responsibility it was to be Spencer's date. The rest of the team protected him, whether he wanted them to or not.

"Addie?"

She heard Spencer's soft voice from behind her and, combined with his slender arm slowly draping around her waist, she was instantly calm.

"You okay?" he continued, tugging her a little closer.

"Of course," Addison replied with a nod. They stood in the entryway for another moment before Garcia came over to them. She chirped something about "needing to steal the missus" before grabbing Addison by the hand and taking her to the opposite corner of the room with Emily and JJ. Spencer chuckled under his breath and watched her for another minute before she gave him a nod that said _I'm okay, you can stop worrying now._

* * *

After dinner, JJ retreated into the kitchen to help with the dishes. Always wanting to nurture everyone was a habit she had held onto from childhood, and the other members of the team had long since given up the fight of begging her to please just stay at the table, the dishes can wait. Addison pecked Spencer a quick kiss on the cheek before getting up to help. Nurturing everyone was a habit of hers as well.

As they washed, dried, and chatted, Addison became quiet when _My Funny Valentine_ began to play faintly over the speakers.

"Everything okay?" JJ asked, noticing that Addison had been drying the same plate for nearly two minutes.

"Huh? Oh yeah, sorry, I just love this song. It, uh… nevermind…" she muttered, quickly putting the plate onto the rack and grabbing another one out of the soapy water.

"I should probably tell you right now that 'nevermind' isn't really a word we believe in around here. Come on, out with it," JJ placed a motherly hand on her hip and gave Addison a compelling stare.

"This song just reminds me of Spence, that's all," she offered simply. JJ smiled and asked why. Addison chuckled and shook her head.

"No, it's silly. I don't want to bore you."

JJ gave Addison the same stare and placed the same hand on her hip as before.

"You guys really don't let up, do you?" JJ laughed, then nodded and urged Addison to continue.

"It's just… I can tell he's nervous. He doesn't tell me everything, which is fine, it hasn't been that long but… I think he's always afraid that I'll judge him or think he's being strange or that I won't understand if he tells me when something is wrong. I know it's only been a few weeks but I just… I wish there was a way I could prove to him that I really do care about him, just the way he is."

JJ was practically beaming. If Addison didn't know any better, she would have sworn that JJ looked like she could burst into tears at any moment.

"Have you said any of that to him?" JJ asked after a long pause. Addison sighed, unable to look up from the sink.

"I can't explain it but I just get the feeling that it would scare him. He's holding something back and I don't want to push him into anything too quickly. I don't want him to feel like I'll leave him if he doesn't talk to me."

JJ placed a gentle hand on Addison's shoulder as she grappled with what to say. She knew how important it was to Spencer that his relationship be his own; that he navigate the twists alone so that he could celebrate the victories alone.

"If you both can talk about how scared you are, maybe it can open some doors to talk about other things. All I know is that this is important to Spencer, too. He doesn't want to lose you either."

Addison looked back up at JJ, a hopeful glint renewed in her eyes.

"You really think so?"

"I know it, Addie. We've all seen how happy he's been these past few weeks. None of us would let him get rid of you."

* * *

Spencer stared blankly at the chessboard, tapping his left index finger against the patio table while his chin rested in his right hand.

"Annnnny time you're ready, pal," Emily purred from across the table, her voice dripping with playful arrogance.

He blinked and looked up from the table.

"Huh? Oh, sorry…" his voice trailed off as he casually took Emily's rook with his knight and went back to staring into space.

Emily rolled her eyes and rose from her chair. Spencer shook himself out of his daze and asked where she was going.

"I never enjoy losing to you, but it's especially annoying when I can tell that you're not even trying!" She called back before bringing another glass of wine for herself and sitting down across the table.

"I'm sorry," Spencer sighed, "I'll try and stay more focused on beating you."

Emily chuckled softly and shook her head. She took a sip of her wine before leaning easily back in her chair and looking up into the sky. They sat in silence for a minute or two, Emily gazing up at the stars and Spencer staring at Emily waiting for her to speak. Finally, as if talking to herself,

"The beginnings of relationships are the best, aren't they?"

"Huh?" Spencer blurted out, not immediately realizing that Emily was referring to him and Addison.

"Yeah, you know. Where you can't get enough of each other and everything is new and exciting and full of potential?"

Spencer stared at the ground, wishing it was as simple as what Emily was describing. Sure, there were stomach flips and butterflies and hours-long dates that felt like minutes. He could still feel the kiss he shared with Addison before dinner lingering on his lips. And he knew from the way that Addison gently bit her lower lip whenever they looked at each other at the party that she was still thinking about it too. He never knew he had the power to do that to a woman with just a glance from across the room. But the excitement was always crushed by guilt and fear and shame. Spencer knew she was likely falling for him and that he had let it happen without telling her everything that she deserved to know.

 _Why am I such a coward,_ he thought to himself.

"You ready to go Spence?" Addison called from the patio door. He looked at her and smiled, watching proudly as she hugged his friends goodbye. She was fitting into his life so nicely, how could he possibly risk destroying it now?

* * *

Addison and Spencer spent the drive home in a comfortable silence. As if she didn't want the evening to end, she put some more jazz music on the radio and rested her head on his shoulder as he drove.

They walked slowly up the steps to her apartment. She unlocked the door and tossed her purse and jacket onto the sofa before turning to face him.

"I'm really glad you asked me to come with you tonight. Your team is amazing. They all really care about you."

Spencer smiled and took a few steps towards her, using one arm to pull her into him and the other hand to brush her hair behind her shoulder.

"Well everybody really likes you, too. Garcia wants us to come over next weekend for a scary movie marathon."

Addison grinned and stared warmly up at him, tracing one finger down his jawline. Spencer felt it again—that unfamiliar courage stirring in his chest. As if Addison felt it too, she placed both hands on either side of his face and pulled him into her without warning. Spencer felt relieved and emboldened all at once. He worried that he had done something wrong earlier; this was such unfamiliar territory for him. But apparently, she really had enjoyed it as much as he had.

Not wanting to break the kiss even for a second, Addison held onto him tighter and pulled him with her as they fell slowly backwards onto the couch. Spencer was now completely unsure of what to do, but he was sure that he didn't want to stop. He ran a cautious hand up the curves of her thigh and stopped just below the hem of her dress, which had risen considerably. He felt her hands running over his back, clutching at him harder with each kiss. He found himself wondering what this would all feel like if he weren't wearing a shirt. As he imagined her fingertips running over her bare skin, he pressed himself closer to her. She gasped softly but that didn't scare him this time.

"Mmm… it's getting late, don't you have—mmm— work in the morning?" Spencer asked as she slowly kissed his neck.

"Yes but… I don't want you to go, Spencer." Addison whispered, her warm breath tickling his ear.

He cleared his throat and pressed his fingertips harder into her arms.

"I don't want to leave, Addie, trust me. I just…" he paused and sat up on the edge of the sofa, searching for the right excuse. There were honestly so many to pick from. _I don't want you to start to care about me more than you already do. I don't want to see the look on your face when I have to tell you that I'm a virgin. I really don't want you to treat me like a kid or a freak or like I'm made of glass. I don't want you to stop looking at me the way you do._

As though he had spoken his worries aloud, she sat up next to him and took his hand in hers.

"I'm not saying anything has to happen. I just missed you after this last case and I… I don't want to miss you again until I have to, you know?"

Spencer felt warm and heavy, like someone had injected his bloodstream with melted chocolate. Not heavy in the sense of feeling trapped, but that he was grounded and safe.

"You missed me?"

"Of course I did, sweetheart. I always do."

And with that word, that simple and perfect word, all of the shame and hesitation that Spencer had felt began to dissolve. He knew it would come back. There was a part of him that knew staying with her would only make him feel more afraid. But in that moment, none of that mattered. He _belonged_ to someone. Someone wanted him and worried about him and missed him when he wasn't there.

In that moment, consequences be damned, that was enough.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

 **The quote mentioned in this chapter is from "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak. Obviously I don't take credit for it, but I highly recommend the book =)**

It was a night of firsts for Spencer Reid, and it shocked him at every turn how easy it all felt. He was spending the night at a woman's house. He was spending the night with his... Girlfriend? They hadn't had that conversation yet, but that's what she felt like to him. _Do people still ask other people to be their girlfriend? Are we too old for that?_ Questions rolled and tumbled through his mind as he loosened his tie.

Addison had gone to the bathroom to change into her pajamas, leaving him alone in her bedroom to undress (or not undress, as he ultimately decided). He took off his shoes, tie, and belt and laid them in a pile next to her dresser. He unbuttoned his shirt down to the middle of his chest, but that was as comfortable as he was willing to let himself get. While he waited for her, he walked slowly around her bedroom. He politely kept his hands behind his back, as if he were in a museum. He felt like he was, in a way. The Museum of Things that are Important to Addison. He scanned her closet, full of brightly colored clothes and sundresses. He saw some awards from her high-school theater department for "Actress of the Year" and "Best Actress in a Leading Role." _I'll have to ask her more about those,_ he noted. He looked at the photos on her nightstand- selfies with friends, a professional photo of her at a wedding with who he assumed were her family, and a photo of her finger painting with a group of small children.

He scanned her bookshelf next. He always felt you could learn a lot about someone by what they read. Her collection was unique, certainly not nearly as big or diverse as his. He picked up a worn-out copy of something called The Book Thief, which he had never heard of. As he flipped through the pages, he smiled at the yellow highlighter and the notes written in the margins. He found himself caring for her even more knowing that she enjoyed reading enough to write in all her books. He would probably do the same if he read slowly enough. He flipped through the pages to read the passages she had underlined.

 _His soul sat up. It met me. Those kinds of souls always do - the best ones. The ones who rise up and say "I know who you are and I am ready. Not that I want to go, of course, but I will come." Those souls are always light because more of them have been put out. More of them have already found their way to other places._

"Find anything interesting?" Addison gently inquired from the doorway, leaning her bare shoulder against the frame. She wore a grey tank top and pink cotton shorts that hugged her curves just enough to make Spencer stammer for a moment,

"You uh, you- you must like this book," he smiled as he held it up to her. She walked up to him and wedged herself under one of his arms. She ran her finger delicately down the page to the quote that she had underlined.

"Aw yeah, that's one of my favorite quotes from this book."

She became quiet and then stared at the picture of her and the children on her nightstand again.

"Those are the kids you work with?"

She smiled a warm, proud smile.

"Yeah, that's them. I went in on my day off to help the staff with an art project."

He looked at the marks on her legs that were in various stages of healing, then let his eyes travel back up to her smiling face. He couldn't make sense of it. Caring for them, certainly. The consequences of their abuse weren't their fault. But loving them? Spending extra time with them? That wasn't a leap that Spencer's all-too-logical brain couldn't make.

"So, what do you feel like doing?" Addison asked eagerly, "it's our first sleepover, seems like it should be kinda special, right?"

Spencer shrugged, "This is my first time sleeping over at a girl's house, Addie. I don't think I'm in a position to be making any decisions here."

She smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She knew what she was hoping would happen, but she refused to pressure him.

"Well then I vote for popcorn and a movie. Cool?"

"Yeah. Cool," Spencer replied.

She scooted the coffee table in the living room off to the side and and spread a blanket out on the floor. Spencer brought in the bowl of popcorn and a bottle of her favorite cream soda.

They decided on _The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King_. He was glad she agreed on his choice since he was too excited to see it in her collection to pick anything else. As the opening music began to play, Addison laid down on her stomach and patted the space next to her. Spencer obliged and pecked her a buttery kiss as he propped himself up on his elbows.

"Did you know that they recorded the sounds that the orcs make are partly elephant seal pups at a marine mammal hospital?"

Addison giggled and shook her head,

"No, babe, I didn't."

"What made you start using those names for me?" he blurted suddenly.

For the first time that night, Addison felt like she had done something wrong. She felt her face warming with embarrassment and turned away as she sat up.

"I just wanted to, I guess. I'm sorry. Is it too soon? I should have talked to you about it first. I won't-"

He interrupted her with by placing a comforting hand on the small of her back.

"No, it's not that. I'm just trying to figure out how this works, that's all."

"How what works? Dating?"

"Yes. Well, just... How we get from one point to another. How do we decide to use terms of endearment instead of our names? When do we decide that you're my... Girlfriend... Things like that." His voice trailed off, instantly regretting using the "G-word" at all.

Addison turned back to face him, hoping that this was her chance to prove to Spencer that she was worthy of his trust, even when he was afraid or upset. She wanted him to know that she wasn't annoyed or turned off by his inexperience. She softly smiled,

"Well, I think you just go with your instinct. You say what you feel and hope the other person feels the same way. And if they don't, you talk it through," she offered.

Spencer didn't seem satisfied. Much like Hotch's answer about a first kiss- "you'll just be able to tell, Reid."- this response confused him further. But this time, he chose to voice his confusion aloud; a small but important step, at least to his mind.

"Addie, you don't understand. The instincts that I have about human relationships come from years of training. I can't just make decisions about you in the moment. As they say, this is all Greek to me."

She couldn't help but pull him in for a kiss before laughing and reminding him that he was just telling her about translating an old text from the Ancient Greek last week.

"Oh sure, laugh it up..." he chuckled, letting her continue to plant soft kisses at the corners of his mouth and down his neck.

As she reached his collarbone with her lips, she drew her hands to the buttons on his dress shirt. Her fingers danced around the smooth plastic; part of her desperate to undo them, the other part enjoying the slow pace they had fallen into. She paused and looked back up to meet his bright hazel eyes.

"I'm sorry Spence. I don't mean to joke about this. I just don't think I have any good answers for you. I've only had a couple of boyfriends and clearly those weren't exactly successful."

He felt his chest tighten as he looked down to her small hands that were resting gently on his legs. _She's done all this before,_ he thought with a slight grimace. He wished he could erase her memories of other men, wanting desperately to level the playing field between them. He couldn't stop thinking about all the "firsts" that he wanted to share with her, and that they wouldn't really be her first time doing anything.

Sensing his hesitation, she ran a gentle hand through his hair and rested it on his cheek,

"But I will say that, out of the boyfriends I've had, you're the most interesting, smartest, and kindest man I've ever been with. That's gotta count for something, right?"

Addison felt his face warm in the palm of her hand.

"So… you think of me as your boyfriend?" Spencer said in a near-whisper, unsure how the foreign word would sound coming out of his mouth.

"If that's okay with you?" She made it sound like a question, and he had to laugh. Of course it was okay that a beautiful, caring, intelligent girl wanted to be in a committed relationship with him. Having a romantic partner to lean on and confide in was something Spencer had always wanted for himself, he was just never convinced he would have it.

"Yes, Addie, it's okay. I've wanted to call you my girlfriend for a while now."

But just as the words came, Spencer questioned them. _Should I let her commit to me when she knows so little? Doesn't she deserve to know what she might be getting herself into?_

Addison scooted across the blanket with a slightly victorious smirk on her face. Every movement towards him built his anticipation and pushed his doubt farther down. Spencer reached out to brush the hair off her cheek, wanting simultaneously to protect her from the truth and to tell her all his secrets. As she crawled closer towards him, she placed her hands on either of his shoulders and propped herself up on his lap to face him, noses nearly touching. Their bodies had never been this close together before. Spencer could feel almost every part of her- her hands gently running through his hair, her breath teasing his lips, the rise and fall of her chest against his, her bare legs pressed firmly against either side of his hips… He knew she was waiting for him to kiss her, and he knew how impolite it was to sit there staring at her instead, but he had never been this close to anybody, physically or any other way. He couldn't help but to let himself pause. He had to commit this moment to memory.

No longer willing to wait, Addison closed the space between them and kissed him softly. Spencer sat up taller and wrapped his hands around her back, pulling her even closer. As her body swayed on top of him, he let his hands wander lower. Not fully aware of what he was doing, he began toying with the hem of her shirt. He allowed his fingertips to trace the sliver of bare skin above her shorts, delighting in her every curve and imperfection. As one hand slipped underneath the fabric to trace the skin of her back, Addison pulled away from him. Her eyes searched him for some clue of what he wanted from her, what boundaries she could cross tonight and what she would have to wait for. But she would wait for him, that much she was sure of. She lightly bit her bottom lip before moving her hands to tug upwards on her tank top. Spencer immediately placed a firm hand on her wrist and looked down, as if he had walked in on something he wasn't supposed to see.

"Addie, you don't have to—I mean, I uh, I don't know if I'm ready for— I've never done anything like—"

"Shh, I know," Addison whispered. "We can do whatever you want for as long as you want. I just… I want to be close to you, that's all."

Relieved, he pulled her back into him, and his hands had once more found their way to the bottom of her shirt. Addison continued to kiss him softly, her fingers pressing slightly harder into his arms. She hoped that would be enough to urge him on, but she knew better. No, with Spencer Reid, she knew she would have to be a bit more explicit. Without breaking the kiss, she reached one arm behind her back to gently clutch his wrist. As she guided his hand higher up her spine, the fabric of her shirt came with it. Sensing no hesitation from him this time, she pulled slightly away from him. With his help, they slowly began sliding her shirt up her torso. Addison lifted her arms above her head, her heartbeat now pounding. Spencer sat up to completely remove the shirt, then took her wrists in his hands to move her arms back down to her sides. Again, he felt the urge to stare and to study.

The white silk of her bra practically gleamed against her bronzed skin. She had two more tattoos on either side of her ribs, and a birthmark just to the left of her bellybutton. It was obvious to Spencer that she was trying to hold her stomach in a certain position, not wanting him to see that it was not perfectly flat and toned, the way she believed most men wanted her to look. Spencer found himself becoming angry at everyone in her past for making her feel anything less than perfect. In his eyes, she had never looked more beautiful. She had also never looked more timid; it was as though she were almost afraid of him. He placed his hands on her exposed hips and leaned her closer,

"You look amazing, Addie. I promise."

She raised her eyebrows in slight disbelief and smiled. Spencer laid her onto the floor and brushed a trickle of hesitant kisses across her collarbones.

"Is this okay?" he questioned, and she knew what he meant. _Is it okay if all we do is kiss? Is this enough for you? Am I enough?_

"Yes, Spencer. This is perfect." And she meant it.

... It was hours before they sleepily stumbled into her room to sleep.

* * *

Spencer woke up with the sun. It took a moment to recognize his surroundings, but once he turned to see Addison curled up next to him, a wide smile spread across his face. After only a few hours of sleep, he struggled to remember when they made their way from the floor to her room, but he couldn't piece the evening together. Other events of the night before were much easier to recall…

Trying not to wake her, Spencer slowly scooted to the edge of her bed to button his shirt and tie his shoes.

With her eyes still closed, Addison rolled over to face him and said,

"I can make you coffee if you want."

He knelt beside her and smoothed her hair,

"Shh, I'm fine, you have a long day ahead of you. Rest a little longer."

She propped herself up on an elbow and draped a lazy arm around his neck. She pecked him a kiss on the cheek and whispered that she would miss him.

"I'll miss you too, darling. Let me know when you get to work, okay?" Spencer added with another kiss on her forehead.

"Mmmhmm," was all she could reply before burrowing deeper into the covers and letting out a heavy sigh.

He lingered in her doorway for a few more seconds before quietly making his way out of her apartment.

* * *

Spencer arrived at home feeling uncharacteristically giddy. He wasn't even sure he would make himself a pot of coffee right away. He thought about finally telling his mother about Addison when he wrote his daily letter to her. After all, he was officially someone's _boyfriend_. That seemed like something that your mother should know, right? Before sitting down at his desk, he elected to browse his poetry collection for a few minutes instead. He thought maybe he would copy some of his favorites for her and give them to her in a nice, leather-bound notebook the next time they were together. _That's romantic, right?_

He was on the hunt for a specific Lord Byron poem. "She walks in beauty, like the night… she walks in beauty, like the night…" he muttered to himself, grazing his fingers over the spines of his many books. As he sat down at his desk, his phone vibrated in his pocket.

NEW MESSAGE: JJ

 **8:04am: Got a case in Philadelphia. Hotch wants wheels up in 90. Will send more details soon.**

Spencer froze.

He knew he was standing still but he felt that his body was swaying like a lone tree in the center of a storm. The ground beneath him threatened to give at any moment. Thinking of that last case— that teenage boy lying dead in front of him, practically in his arms— was becoming more unbearable with each passing second. His heartbeat quickened, his face flushed, his mouth went dry.

 _If this case is anything like the last one…_

He wouldn't let himself finish the thought. Instead, he started looking for other things to pack in his go-bag. He told himself that he was looking for clothes that would be appropriate for the weather in Philadelphia, but he wasn't remotely fooling himself. He knew exactly where he had hidden some vials of dilaudid. He had some in the back right corner of the third drawer in his dresser. He remembered where they were because he had thought about throwing them away while walking home from his night with Addison. The reason he was looking for them now made his eyes sting with tears.

Spencer had felt so safe and relaxed just moments ago. Warm in Addison's bed, protected by her kindness and understanding. When they were together, he never wanted to use. He wasn't that guy, and he wouldn't be that guy for her. _If I can just make it out of the house without packing it…_

 **BZZZZZZZZZBZZZBZZZ**

Spencer jolted upright at the sound of his phone vibrating on the dresser. It was either another message from JJ or something from Addison. Either way, he couldn't bring himself to look at it.

He took the vial out of his drawer and placed it on his nightstand. He stood perfectly still and stared at it, arms crossed, feet tapping. He willed himself to remember Addison's every detail, thinking that would satiate him… The way the tops of her hands were so soft they almost felt like velvet, her bright green eyes with the dark blue rim, the way her voice cracks when she first wakes up in the morning…

 **BZZZZZZZZZBZZZBZZZ**

 **BZZZZZZZZZBZZZBZZZ**

Now the phone was ringing. Whoever it was didn't want to be ignored.

"Yeah?" Spencer answered harshly.

"Did you get my text?" It was JJ.

"JJ I'll get there when I get there, you don't have to check up on me."

All of the parts of his personality that he liked least— his snippy annoyance when people were trying to help him, his rushing to assume that people were always thinking the worst of him— were flooding back, and he couldn't (or didn't want to) stop it. He hadn't even used yet and he was already pushing away those he needed most. _Is Addison next?_ The thought turned his stomach sour in an instant.

"I'm not checking on you, Spence, just making sure you got the message."

"I got it. Just give me 5 minutes to pack."

He hung up without even waiting to hear a reply, but just as soon as he set the phone down it began to ring again.

"What is it?!"

"Spencer? It's me, Addie. You wanted me to let you know when I got to work… is everything okay?"

He exhaled slowly, waiting for the relaxation that always took over when he heard her voice.

"Sweetheart, are you there?" Addison continued, her voice raised with concern.

The calm never came. And how could it, with a vial of dilaudid in one hand and Addison calling out to him in the other?

"Yeah, I'm here. We got a case so I'm just packing. We're leaving this afternoon."

"Oh," she paused, not wanting to make him feel guilty for doing his job, "well in that case I'm really glad you spent the night last night."

She waited for a response, but all she could hear was the ruffling of clothes and a zipper being zipped in between short and agitated breaths.

"If you can, call me from the road?"

"I mean, I'll try. I can't really guarantee it. Don't know how busy we'll be, you know?"

He knew that was a lie. He had never worked a case where there hadn't been at least a bit of downtime. But knowing what he was bringing with him, he wasn't sure he would be in the right frame of mind to call her.

"Right. I understand. Well, be safe, okay? I'll miss you,"

"Yeah, me too," was all he could muster before hanging up. He was sure she was hurt, that she was probably regretting their last night together, but thinking about that only made him crave the dilaudid even more. As he rolled the vial in between his slender fingers, he wondered how Addison would react if she knew his secret. Angry? Betrayed? Terrified? His angular body almost crumpled in on itself at the thought of making her feel any of those things… but then he saw his badge and gun laying on his bed next to his suitcase, and his mind turned to Tobias...

and being tied to a chair

and beaten with a belt

and face down in frozen dirt

and thinking he was digging his own grave

and firing the gun.

… And as he walked out of his apartment, the sound of the glass vial clinking in his pocket as he walked soothed him more than Addison's voice ever had.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

 **I'm sorry that it's been over a year (wow I suck so bad) since I've updated. I'd try to make excuses but I don't really have any, other than I was busy and I didn't really feel inspired to write. But this story was nagging at my brain recently so I leaned into the urge to write and this is what I came up with. I hope you like where it's going! I'll try to post again soon, but thanks for sticking with me and being patient.**

Spencer sat quietly in the back of the SUV. Hotch had assigned him to work on the geographical profile for this unsub based on the location of the bodies. The rational side of his brain was glad that he was given a task that would keep him relatively out of harm's way, and that he would mostly be left alone. But the other side of him, the drug-dependent Mr. Hyde to his intellectual Dr. Jekyll, felt slighted by his job. _Does Hotch think I can't handle anything more difficult? Haven't I proven myself to him by now? Why does everyone always treat me like the wimpy little brother?_ He stared out the window and pressed his hand gently to his chest pocket, contentedly sighing at the thought of what waited for him there.

As the cars pulled up to the police station in Philadelphia, the team diligently filed out and immediately set to work. Spencer swung his messenger bag across his torso and into a chair. He spread the files out over the conference room table. As he leaned over, without missing a beat, he gently covered his breast pocked with a steady hand. He had to ensure it stayed protected, of course. He sat down and began going over the files, willing time to go faster so that he could be alone in his hotel room.

The day passed slowly, and Spencer played the part of the hard-working genius. He attended Hotch's briefings, answered all the questions the officers asked about the geological profile, and made furious notations on the whiteboard whenever a member of his team walked by the conference room. _If I look busy, nobody will bother me,_ he hoped. Spencer reached into his pocket for his phone several times that day, but always forced himself to focus on something else. He had been so short with Addison earlier, he couldn't just call her now and pretend like everything was fine. He knew she would worry, and he knew he was risking their new and innocent relationship for something that would only torture him… but before the torture would come the relief, and that brief release was worth everything.

* * *

It was after 9pm and the team had finally agreed to break for the night. Spencer locked the door to his hotel room and leaned against it. He grinned softly at the thought of nobody to poke and prod him for the rest of the day. As he walked past the bed, he casually tossed his cell phone onto the blankets. He was sure that if he looked at it, there would be at least one message from Addison, but the tinkling of the glass in his pocket reminded him that he had more important things to do.

No.

Important was the wrong word. Of course Addison was important to him, but in a more abstract sense. It mattered to him what she would think when she eventually discovered his secrets; when he let himself think about it (which wasn't often, thanks to the vials), it tore him up to think of hurting her. But the dilaudid was _urgent._ It was _necessary._ And he could have it _now_.

He made his way to the bathroom to set up his supplies. He loved how all of his rituals made him feel like a mad scientist in a lab. If only those moments were enough to calm his mind… After a few minutes of careful preparation, everything was ready. Spencer stood back and leaned against the doorway, staring at the syringe laying so innocently on the bathroom counter. He wondered how it was possible to crave something that he hated so deeply. Without thinking, Spencer ran out of the bathroom and knelt at the edge of his bed. He looked at his phone and, sure enough, there were two messages (and one missed call) from Addison.

 **3:04pm: I miss you. Please be safe and call me when you can. Catch those bad guys for me =)**

 **8:42pm: Going to bed now. Please let me know you're okay. I'm worried about you.**

As he read her sweet words, tears stung his eyes. He clutched the vial in his hand so hard he thought it would shatter in his fist. Maybe some part of him hoped it would; after all, didn't he deserve the pain it would cause? Spencer sat on the ground and leaned against the bed. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine Addison's voice, but there was only one voice he could hear clearly.

 ** _"_** ** _Tell me it doesn't make it better."_**

Spencer shuddered as Tobias' words echoed over and over in his ears. He glanced up and stared down the hallway to the light pouring out of the bathroom. He removed his belt as he walked and began to fasten it tightly around his pale arm. He still tried to think of Addison's voice, Gideon's voice, his mother's voice, anything that had the slightest chance of calming him or convincing him to stop…

But all he heard was Tobias, the soothing lie that it would all go away, and the tinkling of the glass as it danced with the syringe.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, Spencer was late to the station the next morning. Groggy and irritable, he stood in the back of the office and listened to Hotch and Rossi giving an updated report to the officers. When they finished, Spencer tried to go quietly into the conference room and resume his work, but Hotch followed and closed the door behind them.

"Is there any particular reason you weren't here on time?"

Spencer stared at the white toes of his Converse sneakers, knowing that Hotch would see the truth if they met each other's eyes.

"My phone. It, uh, died in the middle of the night. My alarm didn't go off. Sorry."

"Hotel rooms have alarm clocks, Reid. And you're never late. The last time this happened…" Hotch's voice trailed off, both men knowing exactly what he was going to say next. For the first time, Spencer looked up, almost daring Hotch to say it out loud. But Hotch's face momentarily softened, and all he did was shake his head and make for the door. Before he left the conference room, he gravely added,

"Take a leave of absence, get some help, do whatever you need to do. But my patience is wearing thin, Reid. If you can't figure out how to solve this problem on your own, I'll have to take this to Strauss." Spencer braved his best petulant _ooh, I'm really scared_ face, even though nobody was there to see it. But inside, he panicked. He was nearly certain that his behavior had cost him his relationship, but his job too? Despite everything he had been through, he knew that he couldn't lose the BAU.

* * *

After his tense meeting with Hotch, Spencer spent the next few hours alone in the conference room. He was a bit surprised that another member of the team hadn't been sent to keep an eye on him; he knew it was just a matter of time before Hotch told at least one of them. Just then, as if she were right on cue, JJ entered the conference room. She stood next to him, arms crossed, and stared down at him.

"What the hell were you thinking?" She blurted, still standing rigidly at his side.

Spencer stood up; JJ looking down at him made him feel even more worthless and child-like than Hotch had.

"What do you mean?" He asked, hopelessly feigning confidence. JJ only sighed and crossed her arms tighter across her chest,

"Spencer, please don't play stupid. It doesn't suit you."

He stared at the floor, then at the whiteboard full of his notes behind her.

"Look JJ, I really don't know what you're talking about and I don't appreciate being accused of something that you really know nothing about, so-"

"Oh, so if I go up to your room right now, you're telling me I won't find what I think I'm gonna find?"

Spencer let out a short, startled breath. Maybe she was bluffing, but he also knew that simple-minded hotel managers don't usually ignore a police badge. _If she wanted to, she could._ He stared at her for a moment, trying to read the emotion in her face. Anger was obvious, but more than anything, JJ looked terrified. She tenderly placed her hands on his shoulders and met his eyes.

"Spence, I don't want you to get into trouble. Not with Hotch, and definitely not with Strauss. But more than that, I want you to be okay. I want to help you be okay."

Spencer shook himself out of her grasp and silently faced the whiteboard. He wanted to tell her that he didn't need help, that she was intruding and to mind her own business. But he couldn't. Not JJ, not the closest thing he had to a sister.

"If this keeps happening, you're not going to leave us with any other choice."

He turned his head to look at her over his shoulder.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He growled, more harshly than he had intended.

"Like I said, I don't want you to get in trouble. But if telling someone means saving you, then you're damn right I'm gonna do what needs to be done."

He turned back towards the white board and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Please, Spence, don't make me do that to you, and to the team. We need you."

As Spencer bowed his head and exhaled slowly, he heard the door close and the room became completely, achingly still.

* * *

It had been almost three full days without a word from Spencer, and Addison couldn't get to sleep. After a long day and working a double shift, sleep was what she needed, but it only came in fitful spurts, perhaps 20 minutes every few hours. _Why hasn't he called? Something must have happened. He's hurt somewhere, or worse, and the team just doesn't know how to tell me._ Those were the thoughts that had plagued her for three days. For three days, she had kept herself busy, tried to sleep, and repressed the urge to call other members of the team. There had been nothing on the news about a disaster in Philadelphia involving members of the FBI, and she knew he was probably just busy. _Too busy to call? Too busy to even reply to a text?_ Then, the thoughts shifted from fear of Spencer being in danger to a fear of him simply not wanting to talk to her. This vicious cycle kept her awake for hours before she was finally able to drift off into a sea of restless nightmares.

The next morning—her only day off that week—Addison awoke to her phone noisily vibrating and bouncing on her nightstand. When Addison saw the name PENELOPE glow brightly on her phone, she felt her skin become instantly engulfed in a cold sweat. She was sure something unthinkable had happened. Either that or Spencer was just ignoring her, and she honestly couldn't decide which was more painful. With a shaky hand, she reached for her phone to answer the call,

"Hello?"

"Hey chickadee, how have you been?"

Surely the bad news she was bracing herself for wouldn't come after such a cheerful greeting.

"Uh… I've, uh, been fine? Y'know, just working…"

"I hear ya sister. Well, Hotch kept your boy toy pretty busy on this case and I've barely had a chance to talk to him since we got back yesterday. Think we're still on for our scary movie-a-thon this weekend?"

Addison's breath caught in her throat. _Yesterday? He's been back since_ _yesterday_ _?_ She paused to steady her breathing. Her first instinct was to ask Penelope where he had been and why was he ignoring her, but she didn't want to drag a new friend into an uncomfortable argument. Instead, she went with a more diplomatic approach.

"Gosh, we've both been so busy we haven't had a chance to talk about it. But it's still fine with me! I'll let you know once I've talked with him. I'm so glad you all made it back safely!"

Addison hung up after making tentative plans with Penelope. She lay in bed for a few minutes, debating whether she should try and get the rest she knew she needed but would never come. With a groan, she pushed herself out of bed. While half-heartedly skimming her closet for something to wear, Addison chewed on her bottom lip, unsure of how to feel. Relieved, certainly. The combination of his dangerous job and her tendency to catastrophize made it all too easy for her to think the worst. Knowing he was safe soothed her tremendously, but then what was the alternative? Had he deliberately ignored her? They had shared such a perfect night together before he left. _Was that too much for him? Too soon? But he was so sweet the morning after._ After getting dressed, she gazed at her unmade bed, remembering how only days ago, Spencer had knelt beside her and kissed her as the sun rose.

The memory did nothing but anger her. Spencer had seemed so different. He didn't seem the type to play games, but that had to be the only explanation. He was frightened by his feelings and didn't know how to tell her. Was it all an act? Had she been so taken by his awkward innocence that she couldn't see how unsure he was? Addison paced towards her kitchen, fumbling angrily with a tea kettle and a mason jar of sugar. With all of the noise she was making, she almost failed to hear a knock at the door. She checked the microwave clock. It wasn't even 10am yet.

Barefooted, Addison moved for the door and looked out the peephole. _Spencer?!_ She blinked, then checked again. As she smoothed her hair, she took a deep breath as if she was trying to inhale courage directly from the air. She closed her eyes and swung the door wide open.

* * *

 **If you feel so inclined, let me know what your preference would be for the next chapter. I have some ideas for an angsty fight, but I also have some thoughts about some fluffy making up. Which do you want to see? Drama? Romance? A little of both? Help me! Thanks a bunch =)**


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